Why am I doing this??

Whenever I told anyone that I was moving to Indiana for three months this summer, the biggest (and most obvious) question I got was "Why?" Why now, why there, why three months? What are my goals and hopes? My sassy short comeback was, "Why not?" But I'll start this blog with a longer and more honest answer...

I work full-time as the Family Engagement Director of an organization called We Carry Kevan. That means that pretty much all day every day I am sharing the mission of WCK with people all over the world – people with mobility-related disabilities, their caregivers, friends, family members and other influential people in their lives. The mission states that “We bring disabled and able-bodied communities together into intentional friendships and facilitate opportunities to redefine accessibility as an innovative and cooperative effort.” I tell people that accessibility and caregiving should be creative and community-oriented. I tell people that independence is not about figuring out how to do everything on your own, but how to ask for help in positive ways and to look for the ways you can return the favor. Just look at how Kevan and his friends did it and continue to do it! It sounds so wonderful and inspirational.

I’ve just never been very good at practicing it myself. I lived away from home during college and for a few years in my 20s, but I had a small, core group of friends who helped me (most of whom I paid) and also caregivers through Medicaid in-home care agencies. And besides things like opening doors and making tea I didn’t really ask the rest of my community at large to do anything to help me. More recently, I’ve depended pretty much completely on my parents and one agency caregiver to handle all my caregiving needs. My parents are incredible people and we have a really good relationship, and the caregiver from the agency has become a dear and faithful friend. But I was spending too much time living small and safe, and I knew I needed to make a change. I needed to take some risks and try new things – things that I wasn’t completely sure would actually work out, but I would never know until I tried.

One thing I’ve never done before is live on my own. When I’ve lived away from home in the past, it was always with roommates. I’m in my late 30s, so single peers as roommates are hard to come by. Besides, I long for a place of my own – to decorate how I want, keep clean how I want, and invite guests whenever I want. I know I can’t do it alone. I will need people to take care of me, do my laundry, wash my dishes, and more. Could I invite my friends into that? When we have Bible study or play a game or watch a movie or share a meal, could it also include some tasks that meet my basic needs - and vice versa?   

As I considered the cost of an apartment and independent life, I realized that I would not be able to afford a place of my own and a full-time paid care staff, even with Medicaid assistance. Would my friends be willing to help me "pro bono"? Do I even have enough friends to cover all the needs without being too much for any of them? I had no idea, and it slowly dawned on me that there was only one way to find out: Just do it.

I decided to move to Fort Wayne, Indiana, for 13 weeks from mid-May to mid-August. Why? Well, here’s a few reasons… First, it was far enough away from home in North Carolina so my wonderful parents could not be my safety net. However, it wasn’t diving into the middle of the Pacific Ocean without water wings, either. I lived in Fort Wayne before, so I have friends there and I’m familiar with the city and many of the resources it offers. Kevan and Katie are also there, which adds the familial, emotional, and social support factor. While the winter in Fort Wayne is rather unpleasant, the summers are lovely and downtown comes to life with festivals and events. The sidewalks are pretty accessible and there is a huge cycling greenway trail all over the city, so I can get around really well in my wheelchair. I found a newly renovated apartment complex in the heart of downtown that actually has spacious and accessible units in my price range. All of these were my rationalizations for returning to the Fort, but I think it all just boils down to God. I really think he put all the pieces in place for me to be here.  I think he still has things for me to do and learn in Fort Wayne.

So... Why am I doing this? Because God gave me the chance, and I want to see if I can. This summer is one big experiment in my faith in Jesus, to see just how much I really trust him to provide, and to see how he will prove faithful. I hope you will join me to see what amazing things come of it!