With Each Breath I'm Given...

 I kind of got off track with my regular posting schedule, because I have been having some respiratory issues for the past two weeks. I still don't know if it is due to asthma, stress, allergies, or the poor air quality we have right now... very likely a perfect storm of all of those things, I imagine. I've done a full round of antibiotics, steroids, a steroid shot, three different nebulizer treatments, four different cough syrups, and aggressive respiratory therapy, which for me means nebulizer every 4-6 hours, a vibrating bed in an inverted position, cough assist machine, and friends who aren't afraid to beat my ribs as hard as they can. Oh, the measures we take to keep Connie out of the hospital! It's not been an easy or fun journey, but as I write this, I am breathing deeply with minimal wheezing, so I think recovery is under way. 

This is actually the second respiratory flair up I've had in three months. I landed myself in the hospital the week of Easter with pneumonia, which took me a good two months to recover from, so getting sick again so soon was discouraging to say the least. There were several moments when I was not in my most righteous state of mind this week, just overcome with frustration of my body and the challenges that I live with. As I reflect on that right now, I'm humbled by the grace and patience of God and the faithful, brave friends who have fought beside me through the past two weeks. 

Have you ever dared to tell God "I told you so"? Yep, that was a low point for me this week. One of my reasons for resisting his call to return to Fort Wayne last year was that I have had some of my worst illnesses here. "I get sick in Indiana," I kept reminding God when he would present opportunities to move back. And I angrily reminded him of that again recently, and instantly felt ashamed of my presumptuousness, so it turned into a tearful confession and petition that he help me understand why he brought me here... what is worth the risk of getting this sick? "Obedience and trust in Me is always worth the risk," is the answer I received. "Following Me is worth dying for." And just like that, He reminded me to praise him instead of complain. 

The last verse of the last Psalm in the Bible says, "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord. Praise the Lord." My breath has been noisy - rattly, wheezy, congested - but it's still there, by the grace of God. At times I am keenly aware of each breath, as I slowly and deliberately work to fill my lungs. So I'm learning that each breath is a gift that I can use purposefully (inhale) and then sacrifice (exhale) as an act of worship. Breathing is essential to living, and as long as I have life I want to declare the goodness and love of God. 

Comments

  1. Joyce KessenichJuly 3, 2023 at 1:16 PM

    Continual fervent prayers that it becomes easier each day to breath.

    ReplyDelete

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