The Faith of her Friends

 One characteristic of my apartment that isn't accessible (and is, in fact, very hard to find anywhere) is the bathroom sink. There is enough space in the bathroom for me to turn and face the sink, so I can look in the mirror and get into the drawers, but there are cabinets directly underneath the sink, so I can't pull up enough to reach and use the sink.  So my solution to that for the summer is that I have a little "vanity" table in the corner of my bedroom, with a smaller mirror on a stand. My morning and evening caregiver-friends get a warm washcloth for me and prop my elbows on to the table so I can wash my face, and they put toothpaste on my toothbrush and bring it to me so I can do my own teeth. I like being able to do these simple tasks for myself.  Since I can't reach a sink, I get two cups - one half-full and one empty - so I can rinse my mouth out after I brush my teeth. Early this summer, I learned that at the coffee shop close to my apartment, there&#

Throughout the summer, I have told my caregiving friends that we should have our own version of Girl Scout badges that they earn for accomplishing certain goals or tasks. Here are a few of our ideas: Wrangling the transfer systems Giving a shower/washing hair Mastering the pillow fort Driving Connie's wheelchair Completing a full laundry routine Prepping tea or meals Placing Connie in perfect sitting position Getting on compression socks Running errands with Connie Picking up and dropping off keys at the YMCA I've also thought about coming up with a list of superlatives and hosting my own version of "The Dundies." Here's some of the possibilities:  Best Dresser Cutest Hair Style Master Chef Busiest Bee Old Faithful Speedy Gonzalez Greatest Team Player  Remembers Everything Most Athletic Most Aggressive (In a Good Way) The only problem with superlatives is that I really don't think I could choose just one person! They are really a stellar team in so many ways

My friend, Tim, recently requested that I write on this topic because: "I would like to hear your perspective on this." So, here it goes...  My time is not my own. It is this weird "wibbly-wobbly" thing that I handle with extreme care and trepidation, that I balance on my fingertips like soapy bubbles and gingerly juggle like lit candles. It is slippery and shifty, like dough, and I do my best to fit it into the little frames and cookie cutters that are other people's lives. It's tautly tied and tangled with outings and who can drive me, bathroom breaks and who can help me, bedtimes and who can stay with me. When it comes to friendship caregiving, I need and want to respect other's schedules and availability. I feel like I spend an incredible amount of effort and energy to accommodate what is better or best for someone else. I don't want to inconvenience anyone, and I just would like for my life to be so in sync with theirs that it is a natural rhyth

A couple weeks ago my friend Abby spent a Friday night with me, and on Saturday morning we decided to get some coffee and go down and check out the farmer's market. All of this is just within walking distance, a few short downtown blocks, away from my apartment. The weather was beautiful, and we woke up with great energy and a positive attitude, so we headed out for our little adventure.  As we exited my apartment building, we noticed that the street was blocked off to car traffic with some cones, barrels, and police cars. Interesting, but honestly not interesting enough to give us any pause. Probably because we hadn't had our caffeine yet.  We got to the coffee shop and were a bit alarmed at the long line of people waiting outside the shop. I noticed that some of them were in matching t-shirts and were anxiously checking their watches and glancing up the street toward Calhoun. I thought, "Surely the farmer's market isn't this popular?" and then I realized tha

 I really like when two of my caregivers are able to come together to help me. It isn't super necessary, but it just makes the whole process faster, easier, less stressful, and more enjoyable for everyone. But it hasn't worked out that way as often as I hoped, so most of the time it is one lady coming by herself to get the job done.  No one ever complains to me, but I am very sensitive to their nervousness or struggles and I wish I could do more to help them. If I could just bear my weight more, or hold my balance better, or use my hands to grab and pull things... but I can't do any of that. So, I do what I can, which is trying to guide and encourage them, reassure them and make them laugh. I tell them to take their time and take a little break if they need it. I silently pray for them to have the strength they need and also that they don't get hurt in the process. Basically, I'm trying to serve them in any way possible as they seek to serve me.  It occurred to me a

One of my new friends this summer, Lisa, comes over 2-3 times each week to help with my "get-up-and-go" (aka, the Morning Routine). She's a physical therapist and a cross-fitter, so she is kind of a superhero in the caregiving world, but she is also sweet and a little goofy, so we have a great time together while she's here.  I love breakfast, but I typically try to keep my morning meal pretty basic, like cereal or yogurt or toast with tea. I just feel like my get-up-and-go is a lot of steps and the busiest shift, and I don't want my caregivers to have to spend a lot of extra time putting together a meal for me, especially if they've got a big day of their own ahead.  A few weeks ago, Lisa was finishing up with my hair and asked what I wanted for breakfast. "Well, how much time do you have?" I asked. "Do you need to get going soon?"  "I've got some time," she said vaguely.  "How do you feel about frying an egg for me?&quo

One thing that has been incredibly fun this summer is that I have so many beautiful ladies who are helping me, who are really good with hair.  I have thick, wavy (and at the moment, long) hair, which I could possibly be quite vain about, if I thought about it too much. But I can't manage it myself - I can't raise my arms up high enough to dry it, curl it, style it, or play with it. So if it was up to me, it would just be a nuisance and I'd get impatient and annoyed with the way it just hangs around, fuzzes up, and gets in my way. I just want it off my face and neck... but also wish I could do cool up-dos.   So it makes me smile when the ladies get out a bag of bobby pins and elastics and study my head like it has scads of potential to be a work of art. This special care and attention is not a necessary, basic "need"; it's something my friends do because they want to, and their joy and delight brings me joy and delight. Braids, twists, buns, and curls have ensu

 My friend Ruth and I have had some great opportunities to hang out this summer and learn from each other. She is incredibly observant, empathetic, and asks good questions.  Last week we went out to dinner together to this excellent Thai restaurant, and I got my favorite: pineapple pad thai. Rice is so so yummy, but also tricky for me to eat: my wonky fine motor skills make it hard to get big bites from the plate to my mouth without spilling most of it, so I have learned to take smaller bites and position my plate where I can have an easier angle for bringing my fork up and down to feed myself. So when the food arrived, I set up my space and very carefully "dug in," quite impressed with how tidy I was being in this tasty experience. A couple of times, our very sweet waitress came by to check on us and noticed a) that I was eating very slowly and b) that my plate was at a little distance. So to be super helpful, she pushed my plate really close to me and nodded with satisfacti

 One of my favorite things in the world is a nice hot drink, either tea or chai or coffee or cocoa or cider... it is so comforting and delights my soul. And I especially enjoy hot drinks with friends, for they always seem sweeter because of our time together.  Now let me explain what makes this simple pleasure complicated. My hands, wrists, and arms are pretty weak. I have trouble gripping handles on mugs, raising a cup from a tabletop to my mouth, and tilting a cup to sip. I do better with paper cups because they aren't as heavy and have less of a proclivity to be too hot to hold with both hands. But I do draw the line at using a straw, because it is all too easy to burn your lips, tongue and throat with one sip. Plus, it just doesn't seem proper. Needless to say, I get by with a little help from my friends.  I've learned to explain how to help me, in four steps: 1. Prop my elbows on the table in front of me. Depending on the table height and shape and my proximity to it,

A few weeks ago, I got to attend the Pro-Life Women's Conference in Indianapolis with my mom and sister-in-law, Katie. We actually got our tickets and planned this months ago, but we could not have anticipated how perfect the timing was. You see, it was on June 24th and we were driving from Fort Wayne to Indianapolis when we received the news that the Supreme Court had overruled Roe v. Wade, ending federal authority over abortion laws and giving that authority back to the states. (NOTE: The decision did NOT destroy access to women's healthcare.) I won't talk politics here, but I do want to share how this decision personally impacted me. Roe v. Wade was originally decided in 1973, ten years before I was born, so me and my peers have never lived in an America where abortion was not nationally accepted and condoned.  When I was a baby, my mom and some of her Christian friends felt a great burden to pray for and fight for the right to life for babies and their mothers. And so

 On the 4th of July, I watched fireworks with Kevan and Katie and my friend Pam. Kevan assured us that he knew of a good spot, so he led the way, as we left my apartment and started rolling/strolling up Calhoun Street.  The fireworks are famously shot off one of the tallest buildings in town, the Indiana Michigan Power Center, at the corner of Calhoun and Wayne, only four blocks directly down the street from my apartment. With a third-floor apartment and a distance like that, you might be thinking, "Couldn't you just watch from your living room window?" And that would seem to be ideal, except that all four of my windows give me a view of a concrete wall... So we go out in search of a better view. We cross Superior Street, go under the train tracks, and past the Landing, a pedestrian street that is already filling up with lawn chairs and picnic blankets. "Oh, this is a nice spot," I think. "A clear picturesque view of the courthouse (Fort Wayne has a lovely

 In the evenings, my caregiving friend usually comes over around 8:00 or so, and we visit for a little while before we start the bedtime routine. We sit at my kitchen table, and I offer them hot tea or ice cream, both of which I try to keep in substantial supply and variety. Then as we sip or scoop, we talk about the usual things, like what we did that day, how is work, upcoming plans, what God is teaching us, and how to solve global issues.  The other night, my friend Abby was here. Abby is an old friend from my previous Fort Wayne days, and we've stayed in touch over the years and have had our share of adventures together. We've actually been pen pals for a while (the old-school kind, with stamps and envelopes and everything), and we typically wrote letters to each other while we were drinking tea, so on this occasion we decided to have a long-awaited "cuppa" together. She is a pretty awesome cyclist, and she and her husband had just returned from a 260-mile round-t

My bedtime routine includes an intricate routine involving five pillows. Yes, five.  I'm kind of like "The Princess and the Pea," and can easily wake up with a sharp pain in my hip or knee or shoulder that I can't alleviate on my own. I know that seems high maintenance, but I've had plenty of years to perfect this routine, and if it is done right, I can sleep safely, comfortably, and soundly all the way through the night without waking up. Here's the breakdown: Pillow #1: The Head Pillow A full-sized pillow (the puffier of my two main pillows) goes under my head and neck, but not my shoulders.  Pillow #2: The Leg Pillow The other full-sized pillow (the flatter of the two) goes under both of my legs/knees, parallel with the head pillow. Pillow #3: The Back Pillow A half-sized pillow that is plush and squishy, gets stuffed into the small of my back when I roll onto my side, so I stay in place. Pillow #4: The Knee Pillow A large Pillow Pet goes between my knees,

 The weekend I moved to Fort Wayne, my parents were here to help me, but Monday morning we said good-bye and they left to go home to NC. That day, I felt the weight of what I had done... I had moved into an apartment that was all my own. I was working on building a care team, and I knew Kevan and Katie were nearby, but that day I felt alone. I cried a bit and had some anxiety, and then I gave myself a pep talk:  "Connie Lynn, you have been dreaming about and longing for this chance for years! What's wrong with you?! For the first time, you're getting to learn what it looks like to be independent! So try to enjoy it, why don't you! Quit sulking and do something to celebrate this momentous occasion!"  As you can tell, I'm not very gentle or compassionate or patient with myself. But the pep talk worked, and I decided to go out on my own. I took my book and phone with me and went to the park, found a comfortable and shady spot, and read for a while. Then I cruised

A few weeks ago, my new friend Jodi invited me to join her on a little road trip to Muskegon, Michigan. We were having dinner together one evening, and I learned that her daughter, Emily, was going to be serving at a Joni and Friends Family Retreat (I will call it "camp" for short) for three weeks, and Jodi was going to go up on the weekend to visit. I LOVE road trips, and I LOVE Joni and Friends , and I was already beginning to LOVE Jodi and Emily, so I said, "Yeah, that would be great!" We continued eating and talking about other things, and later that night I thought more about the casual invitation and wondered how serious she was. After all, we were new friends, and an overnight out-of-town trip seemed like a lot for her to handle. But I checked back in with her, and found that she was sincere, so we made our plans.  Everything about those two days was a wonderful gift. On the ride up to camp, Jodi and I talked constantly and got to know each other better. Whe